The start of the New year is often a time for reflection and future planning – perhaps even some resolutions, which let’s be honest might last until February, or not even that long! This year sees us still in periods of uncertainty where planning can be hard and disappointments may need to be faced but there are certain steps we can take to help us cope with the challenges we are still having to face and steps that might help us be able to change or improve some of those aspects of life that aren’t working out the way we’d hoped.
The first step is to notice where we actually are. Not where we thought or planned we’d be but where we actually find ourselves. This isn’t a reason to give yourself a hard time these have been very tough times for many of us and of course life simply doesn’t always go as planned.
At any point in life there are usually things we are happy about, relationship we love, jobs, hobbies friendships and much more that we enjoy and get pleasure and fulfilment from. It is so very easy to take for granted the things that are going well and focus only on the things we want to change. Noticing where we are also means being grateful for all the good things that are in our lives as well as the things we may want to change.
But as well as noticing the good things it is also ok to notice the things we aren’t so happy about – in fact we owe it to ourselves to notice these things too. The first step to any change is to acknowledge that we aren’t happy with the way things are.
When you begin to notice which aspects of your life you are not happy with then allow some time for reflection to think how you would want it to be different. Meditation or visualisation exercises can help with the process.
But perhaps the most important thing is to learn to notice your feelings – for a whole variety of reasons.
First notice how you feel around different people – obviously everyone has moods but if contact with a particular person always makes you feel negative then you can choose to see them less. Or if you feel someone consistently makes you feel inferior because of what they say or do not because you compare yourself to them, then why subject yourself to that?
But it’s not just people, what other things seem to impact your feelings in a negative way? There are aspects of any job or relationship that might occasionally make you feel negative but if you constantly dread going to work if you constantly get frustrated or stressed about a relationship then surely the sensible course of action is to think about a change. After all it is your life and you can make choices.
I choose …..
To live by choice not by chance. To be motivated not manipulated. To be useful not used.
To make changes not excuses. To excel not compete, I choose self-esteem not self-pity.
I choose to listen to my inner voice. Not the random opinions of others
Remind yourself frequently that you can make choices.
Secondly notice the good feelings – what things do you do, what places do you go, who are the people that you see that really make your heart sing. When we start to notice those
activities, places or people then that or those are what we need to fill our lives with.
Noticing your feelings can help direct your path and help you to make choices. But the other aspect of noticing your feelings is that it can help you to deal with them in a healthy way. We all have aspects of our personality we may not be too happy about but accepting yourself for who we are (and knowing others do too) can have a powerful impact on our self-esteem.
While they may not all be comfortable our emotions are a vital part of being human and trying to ignore our feelings or bottle them up often leads to problems. So, notice that feeling even if it is sadness or frustration or something that would be regarded as negative, just pay it heed without judgement. Emotions can hurt but also heal.
In times of stress and tension it can be hard to acknowledge feelings, to notice them, but in terms of emotional health that is exactly what we need to do.
We will all find different ways to soothe or regulate ourselves the important thing is to find those ways that work for each of us and add them to our wellbeing toolkit.
Why not visit the Facebook group All About You for more help and support on ways you can achieve a happy, balanced and fulfilled life?
